Congratulations on getting your life organized. You are on a roll. You also have you reminder wall organized. I love you and am damn proud of you. Dad
Here's a conversation I had with some folks recently that was worth the while posting. I scrubbed it a bit in case any of my friends are trying to remain anonymous. Enjoy.
Me: Ok fine. I'll admit it. I get distracted by the fb ads date a rich woman and the other one with the picture of the girl with the biggest boobs in the world. There, I've said it!
V (a woman): So, the advertising space in our margins is filtered, huh. My ads seem to all be about "get a degree in special ed and change lives." I'm a little insulted that they assume the appeal of dating a rich woman would be lost on me; they don't KNOW me!
Me: It might not be filtered. I may get those ads too. Just don't notice them.
B (a guy): He has selective vision
Me: Exactly. I have a tendency to see double.
V: While I am pretty sure I'd notice an ad inviting me to date a rich woman.
V: Yes, that happens to me like every five minutes.
Me: Because dating a rich man is so pedestrian. Even I wouldn't do that.
Me: Ok, they're both back. One is vipsingles and apparently there are rich men there too. I know because ... yes, I clicked on it and they asked me what I was looking for. The other is speeddate and there's a girl with the biggest boobs on the planet in front of a red couch, but when you click on the ad (yeah again) you (or I) can't find her anywhere. Aah, the ole bait and switch!
V: Right now I am looking at one ad about teaching special ed and two more specifically about products related to autism. Right now I'd settle for an ad offering me a shot at dating a rich woman with autism...
V: Because I'm a reasonable woman.
V: What happens if you click on just the red couch?
Me: I'll have to try that. I've only been clicking on the boobs.
V: Since we've been talking, the margin space added one more ad about autism and a Rachael Ray weight-loss ad. Luckily, in that second one you can see cleavage.
Me: I am soooo outing myself. Yes, the ads are filtered. The ads currently on my page are the big boobed chick, one for penny auctions, one for living healthy, and they threw in one on modular economics just for good measure, I think because I know nothing about that.
Me: yes, but if you follow the Rachael program, the cleavage is the first thing you'll lose. And we like that ... The cleavage I mean. Or was that obvious?
V: I feel so cared for by this big brother approach to marketing, don't you?
Ha ha, you're right. Click on Racael and it bumps you to a skinnier picture of her. And it IS "disappointing" in the way you suggest.
Me: I don't think I would want to date a rich woman with autism. My ex had a normal personality profile and when she got upset things were scary enough.
M (a woman): I don't seem to have any ads at all. What does this mean?
V: They are on to you, too. You have no record of being easy to manipulate.
Me: I don't feel cared for at all. I just feel indulged. If they cared for me they'd show me ads for big boobs anonymous or some other 12-step program that aimed to convert me away from the sleaze I obviously am. But that's ok. I really don't need to feel cared for. I much prefer the indulgence. Of course, none of the women I meet are signing up for that program.
Me: @M: just visit a couple of dating rich autistic women with big boobs ads (I'm sure they're out there) and that fb panel will fill up in no time.
V: I'm feeling like we've left the city limits of Good Taste a couple miles back. But I began my day being too serious and needed to blow off steam.
Me: I was thrown out of the city of Good Taste ages ago. The mayor told me never to come back.
J (a guy): I don't get ads to DATE ANYONE so they must be filtered I ONLY get ads to BUY products or to like products or things!
V: You have to wait until they elect a new mayor, Greg. Then we'll make our triumphant return. In this scene, I picture us each having published a grand opus, to favorable reviews.
Me: I never thought this was going to go on for 45 minutes. So now that we know I'm a pathetic loser who trolls the internet desperately looking for a date, can I get back to work?!
Me: Does the grand opus have anything to do with dating and still having morals? Because I think there's a law on the books that even when the mayor changes, I'm still not allowed in.
B: why am I only getting viagara ads?
Me: @B: I'm sure I'll start getting mine soon. Remember, your a few years older than me.
Me: @J: It's probably a good thing I didn't mention the ads I get to buy the products I like.
B: hey hey hey hey, wow
Me: @B: Sorry, was that below the belt? Get it? Below the belt!
V: The embarrassing thing isn't the ads anymore, it's the hour we spent not working... see you later!
J: @Me shoot me some of those date a rich women ads I'm trying to get back together with my ex-wife who took and spent all of my money !
Me: @J: You're trying to get back with your ex. So you want to see if she's on the site looking right? Then you'll sign up, she'll choose you and see that you were made for each other all along. But she won't want to date you because if she spent all the money, she won't be on the site. She's on date a rich man site. You can't be on that one because your ex took all your money. Catch-22.
V: Rewrite Pina Colada song here.
Me: @V: Thought you were getting back to work.
J: And I've got to get back to work so I can get rich and get on the date a rich man site and win my wife back unless I can date a rich woman marry her, divorce her and take all her money and then use that to get back my ex wife on the date a ...See More
Me: @J: Please help me understand. She took your money. She's on a dating site looking for someone with more money to take. Why do you want to get back with her?
Me: @J: Don't get me wrong. I can understand if you were hurt. That's natural. What I don't understand is wanting to get more hurt. That's unnatural. Of course, wanting revenge is the highest of all motivators.
E (a woman): And here I thought you were a leg man.
Stay tuned to Further Adventures
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